"Why can't you be like my ex? He will never make me angry!"
My girlfriend always compares her ex with her, and even says that she is useless. Is she really not as good as her ex? Why should she choose herself when she is so bad?
When encountering this kind of situation, many people will often fall into a state of self-denial, thinking that their girlfriends keep expiring early, which means they don’t love them anymore. But in fact, this kind of boys ignore one thing. If it is said that their ex is perfect, , how could she break up, and how could she be with you? So what does it mean for her to resign in advance?
1. What does it mean for your girlfriend to bring up her ex?
The perfect ex in your girlfriend’s mouth is actually the man she glorifies in the other person’s mind. Remember, every time the other person brings up her ex, it was you who did it. When things don't satisfy her, she wants to change you, but she doesn't know what excuse to use to stimulate you, so she can only use her ex as a cover to constantly amplify the other person's advantages to stimulate you. And you yourself understand that if your ex is really a perfect boyfriend, then they will naturally not break up, let alone choose to be with you, which is why she gradually begins to dislike you.
To put it bluntly, it’s because a woman thinks you are a man she can trust for life, so she slowly raises her demands and wants you to make changes, and she also knows how to persuade you to change sincerely. It makes no sense, so I can only use this method to force you to make changes and want to keep you feeling in crisis.
But due to a man’s self-esteem, your focus will not be on the other person’s dissatisfaction. Instead, you will feel that the ex mentioned by the other person is the key point, and you will constantly question the other person’s feelings for you. I feel like she just said bad things about you and is still thinking about her ex.
So you will not make changes, and you will even accuse her of your ex. As a result, the two people need to face new conflicts before the old conflicts are resolved, and the problems between the two people continue to accumulate. They quarrel again and again, which evolves into two people quarreling and arguing about their ex every day, and their relationship becomes Getting lighter and lighter.
If two people quarrel and become more and more tense because of their ex, until they end up breaking up, is it really because of the existence of their ex? In fact, only those who have actually experienced a breakup will know that their ex was just the most important person in the other person's life. After the breakup, there is no relationship at all and it will not have any impact on your relationship.
But for you in a relationship, your ex is the biggest crisis. You feel that they have been together longer than you, and you are afraid that your relationship will not be as good as her last relationship. You Being brainwashed by the other person's accusations, you feel that the other person is much better than you, and you have doubts about yourself.
2. The solution to your girlfriend always comparing you with her ex
Your girlfriend always compares you to her ex Compared with her ex, the main reason is that there is a lack of communication between you, which causes her to only use the method of preemption to make you care about her and care about her. However, if you do not guide her and realize her mistakes, she will continue to do so. Use this method to gain a sense of presence. Based on the above psychological state, you will gradually begin to blame all relationship problems on your ex. You feel that it is not because there is a problem between you, nor that you did something wrong, but because the other person is still thinking about your ex. I don’t want to give up, so I make trouble unreasonably and want to force you to let go.
But in fact, you have broken up before, and you also know what your ex is like, so to put it bluntly, you simply don’t understand the other person, and you don’t know what the other person’s real purpose is when he mentions his ex. , so you will always be entangled in the other person's ex and never let go, always feeling that the other person betrayed you and played with your feelings.
Gradually, you will give up on solving the problems between you. Instead, you will point all the fingers at your ex, trying to evade responsibility and no longer want to fight for this "unworthy" relationship. Pay, thus causing the relationship between the two of you to slowly come to an end.
It is often said that "ex" is the biggest crisis in a relationship. This statement is not wrong, but you must also think rationally about the problems between you. Are they really all because of your ex?
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Your ex is just a bargaining chip for the other party, a way to stimulate you to do something effective, and an excuse for you to shirk your responsibilities. Therefore, if you want to maintain a relationship, don't always use people or things from the outside as excuses. It is fundamental to solve the problems between you based on the facts.